Why do you care what others think about you ?

Why do you care what others think about you ?

I have always wondered at the various things/behaviour this world defines as appropriate/inappropriate. In this posting, i am not getting into the roots of this - on how one is conditioned into believing in these fallacies. Rather, i will share my experience/thoughts on the significance we give to these insignificant things. I am going to make this a multipart series. Its not in any particular order.

Dress Code - what is appropriate and not appropriate and in which place and at what occasion ? Dress code/sense is one of the the absurd things i have heard in my life. Why is some dress considered formal and appropriate in work place and some not ? In what way is dress a factor in conducting the business or the day to day activities in office ? My simple brain could not find an answer. Fortunately for me, i work in a place where they have left to the discretion of the individual to decide on what is appropriate/ not appropriate . I am a guy who feels comfortable in jeans, which is not considered formal.I don't shave my beard regularly. I am one of those who asks why a natural thing like hair growing on a man's face should bother others ? How could one even allow such things to bother him/her ? When i got into the corporate world (started to work for a living), i did an experiment. I wanted to see how the people around me react to my unconventional dressing and the so called inappropriate grooming. I also have to confess that i was working for a boss who was very unconventional. That gave me the liberty to carry out this experiment. As expected, it didn't bother my boss in anyway. My job was safe. Then the fun started. The reactions of the people around me - friends and strangers. The questions they asked, the looks they gave..wow ! it was a great experience. I had the fun of my life. Yes, when u look at things from the outside, as a stranger, u will enjoy the absurdity one sees. one can have a hearty laugh at the absurdity. As usual, i came out intelligent (don't laugh) out of this experiment. I have to say about one important fact in this whole episode. One has to be courageous, confident and intelligent enough to be unconventional in a overwhelmingly conventional society. You have to be man/woman enough to do that. Else you will be given a friendly warning to start with, then mildly threatened, then openly bullied and finally crushed. This message is clear in all the system that runs this society. Get in the Line. Confirm. Else face the tune. Only a few non-conformists are/were allowed to survive. The reason is obvious. The rotten society needs/needed them. They are/were indispensable to them.

Did i survive that experiment ? As already told, because of my boss, my job was safe. But i had to give in to the extreme pressure. I was not man enough at that time. I was then, still a young guy who looked for others approval/appreciation to fuel my life. Time has passed by. I am no longer a person who looks for others approval for what i do. Others appreciation/approval is more/less irrelevant to me. I do understand and acknowledge their appreciation for what i do but i realize that they don't affect me in any way. Joy/Happiness should/can only be a byproduct of one's journey. If it becomes the goal/end product one will be under tremendous pressure leading to one becoming blind to the wonderful things around us during the journey.

There was another funny incident that took place when i was doing my Masters in college. We had a an extension programme that took us to a village near by. We stayed there for three days. One part of the whole programme was something called 'Personality Development Session". The most absurd name i can imagine of. In that session, which took place during the dark hours (maybe the organizers thought that one's personality developed during night), we were asked to draw or paint our life from childhood till that day. The so called 'Experts' would interpret our drawings and come out with their personality assessment. Now, i could not even imagine, how i allowed myself to participate in this session and humiliate myself. Crayons were thrown along with big chart papers. As usual, i was the last to collect my tools (crayons and paper). I ended up with a black crayon and a dull colored paper. I decided to have some fun and drew some abstract things (i was always interested in them because i don't understand them). In fact, i called it scribbling and the so called "Experts" called it abstract. Oh man ! i couldn't believe it. At the end of the session, the experts started giving their expert opinion to each individual present. Oh ! It was a wholesome entertainment. My turn came. The Expert smiled and asked me why did i choose a black crayon and a dull white paper. I gave him an honest answer that they were the only one left. He gave a triumphant smile and went on explaining to me why i took a BLACK crayon and a DULL white paper. I could not believe my ears. All he said can be summed up to nothing but absurd and ridiculous. How can a color, which can at best be given only physical explanation based on wavelength and frequency, can be used to study one's psychology. At that instant i realized that either i am mad or i am living in a really sick society. A Society which has lost its ability to see things as they are. I was so astonished that i never spoke a word again during the rest of the session. The expert's ego would have had a great satisfaction that day. Good for him.

But this incident resulted in the beginning of my love for anything to do with black. I was making a statement. Now, i have grown enough not to get bothered about these irrelevant things. Rather, the story/myth behind the colors and their relationship to emotions in every society, interests me more. It makes a good read.